Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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