It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
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I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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