I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
