Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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