She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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