I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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