No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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