If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
love makes seman taste better
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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