I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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