then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm too high and old for this...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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