Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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