I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
