I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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