I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
