I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
