I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
