that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
