I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
