I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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