You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
