Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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