I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Found the puke drawer
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
