that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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