I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
