Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
