eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
