I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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