everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
