I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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