I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
