Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize