Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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