Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
