And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
