I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
