new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
