Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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