??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
