Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
