There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
