it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
BRING THE BAGELS
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
