So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
