Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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