I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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