I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
