So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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