i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
