Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
