Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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