Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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