too bad you live with your parents still
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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