Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
