the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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