He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
