yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
