What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
