Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have fence marks all over my body
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
