oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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