First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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