Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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