I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I lost the right to judge tonight
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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