is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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