He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
