Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
