I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
