I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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