nut hugger
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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