I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
