I want to have your abortion
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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