quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
