woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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